Friends and Foes: FotR
by Party-Gyrl90
Summary: When Friends meets LotR. Should be a laugh. R& R!


I don't own anything of Tolkien's, or any of the Friends characters.  
  
"Come on guys!" Phoebe stood in the door way of the apartment that belonged to her friends Chandler and his wife, Monica. Rachel, another friend, walked out of the bathroom. "Sorry it took me so long. Had some issues with the toilet." "Yes," said Chandler. "We heard you call it a bitch-brain." Rachel smiled. "I did." Two guys walked through the door. One was Ross, Monica's brother, and the other was Joey. "Where are we going again?" asked Joey. "There is a new flea market downtown" said Phoebe. "I want to check it out." "Why do I have to go?" complained Chandler. "The girls can go shopping on their own!" "Be quiet," commanded Monica. "Yes dear." "Off we go!" yelled Phoebe, and they headed to the flea market. It was like any other flea market they had been to. Everyone was bored, and only Phoebe seemed happy. She walked over to a box and started digging through it. Something caught her eye on a shelf above her head. She looked up and pulled down what she saw. It was a shiny gold ring. "Hey guys look what I found!" exclaimed Phoebe. Everyone came over to her. "That's a nice ring," said Monica. "It looks expensive," remarked Rachel. "Try it on Phoebs." Phoebe slipped the ring over her index finger. All of a sudden, light whirled around the friends, and when they could see again, they were somewhere else.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The friends gazed at their surroundings. They were on a street, but the street was only a dirt path. Trees were everywhere. The air smelled clean. There was something different about where they were. Besides the plants and all that, there was something in the air, something that told them they were in another world. "Chandler," said Joey, "I don't think we're in New York any more." "Look at all the pretty trees!" said Phoebe happily. Phoebe then looked at her finger. "Hey guys, what happened to my ring?" "Don't know Phoebe." said Rachel. Phoebe then saw the ring, laying on a rock nearby. "There it is!" Phoebe ran up to the ring, but before she got to it, a small hand picked it up. "Mr. Frodo!" it said. "Don't forget the ring." "Thank you Sam," said another voice, and a small being took the ring from another small being. There were four of them. "Hey you dirty bastards! Give me back my ring!" yelled Phoebe. The little things were startled. "For the first thing, it's Mr. Frodo's ring. For the second thing, we are not bastards, whatever those are. We are hobbits." The group of friends looked at them. They were the size of children, only they looked more adult and had large hairy feet. "Garden gnomes! They are living garden gnomes!" yelled Phoebe. "See Joey, I told you! I told you they came to life!" "They said hobbits Phoebs," said Rachel, "not gnomes." "You see guys," said Ross. "We are very lost at the moment. Where are you guys headed?" "To Bree," said a hobbit, who was called Mr. Frodo. "To the Prancing Pony Inn." "An Inn!" said Monica. "I can get a drink!" "A drink," said Chandler, "not fifty." Monica scowled. "Follow me!" said one hobbit, who introduced himself as Pippin, and the others as Sam, Frodo, and Merry. The friends followed the hobbits. Soon, it began to rain, and everyone was cold and miserable. Finally, they came to a gate. A man peeked out the door. "What do yeh want?" he hissed. "We need to get to the Prancing Pony," said Frodo. "And we need to dry off," said Monica, who was shaking. Chandler put his arm around her. The gatekeeper opened the gate, and they went through the gate into Bree. They then went inside the Prancing Pony. "Monica smelled like this when she came home from the bar last week," said Chandler. "Shut up Chandler!" said Monica, who slapped him across the face. "It's so dirty. I could clean. I would love to clean this place up. I could clean...." Frodo introduced himself to the bartender as Mr. Underhill. "Another day Mon," said Rachel. Phoebe was angry. "That midget took my ring! I want it back!" "Phoebe calm down," said Joey. "You'll get it back, eventually." Monica immediately walked over to the bar. Merry and Pippin got pints. Frodo and Sam were talking. "That man in the corner. He has done nothing but stare at you Mr. Frodo." "Did you do anything bad?" asked Joey. "No," said Frodo. Frodo looked around the room. "Where is Gandalf, I wonder?" "Is Gandalf a hobo too?" asked Phoebe. "Hobbit," said Sam. "And he's not. He's a wizard." "Wizards, hobbits, men, I have heard of this before," said Ross. "I might have read something about it, but I don't remember. I've heard of this before. I can't prove any of this." "You couldn't prove gravity or evolution either," said Phoebe. "Wait just a darn minute..." said Ross. "Ross not now!" hissed Rachel. "Hey Rach," said Joey. "This is a bar, but I don't see any girls." "Maybe all girls get drunk like Monica, and their husbands don't want them drunk," said Chandler, eyeing Monica. "Oh Chandler baby," said Monica. "I won't get drunk, no. I've course I won't get drunk. Hey bartender! I asked for another pint! A little service please!" Chandler rolled his eyes. "I know a Baggins." Pippin's voice interrupted them. " Frodo Baggins. He's my second cousin twice removed on my mother's side." "No!" yelled Frodo, who conveniently dropped the ring on his finger. He disappeared. He took the ring off, and the guy in the corner grabbed him. "You draw too much attention to yourself, Mr. Underhill." He took Frodo upstairs. "We have to save the midget dude!" yelled Joey. "I want to get my ring back!" "Phoebe!" Everyone, including the three hobbits, ran upstairs. They burst through the door. The man was talking to Frodo. "I'll have you Longshanks!" yelled Sam. "Yeah!" yelled Rachel. "Let him go or I'll..." Rachel looked upon the face of the man. Her heart fluttered. "Hello there," she said with a smile. "Hello," he said. "Strider." "Rachel." Strider turned to the others. He was about to say something when Monica burst through the door. She was very drunk. "You *hic* you leave him alone, yeah. *hic* or you will....deal...with *hic* The Monica...yeah..." Chandler rushed over to his wife. "Monica are you drunk?" "Yes...yes I am! I am very, very drunk! Woo!" Strider stared in confusion. He then started talking again. "You have a stout heart , but that will not save you. You can no longer wait for the wizard Frodo. They're coming." Everyone looked confused. "We must leave," said Strider. They departed that night. They walked until they came to Weathertop.  
  
Weathertop  
  
"Where are we going?" asked Sam. "Rivendell." "Rivendell," said Sam. "We're going to see the elves!" "But elves live at the North Pole!" said Joey. Strider gave him a funny look. "The North where?" "Never mind," said Rachel. "Just ignore Joey." "Do women live in Rivendell?" Joey asked Ross. But Ross was deep in thought. "Rivendell..so familiar.." They came to Weathertop. "Weathertop," said Strider. "An old stone thing," said Chandler. "See Ross, we found something you'd like." Ross glared at him, but was very interested in Weathertop. The friends sat on a rock that night, talking. "This is strange," said Chandler. "*hic* I agree with Chand-e-ler-ler-ler," said Monica, still drunk. "Next time," said Joey. "I won't let Phoebe put on a ring." "It's my ring..." "Oh Phoebe get over it," said Rachel. "I mean," said Chandler. "That Phoebe puts on a ring and poof, we end up here in another world with hobos," "Hobbits," corrected Ross. "Right, hobbits. We end up here in a world with hobbits and wizards." "And really hot men," said Rachel, who was staring in Strider's direction. The hobbits were cooking. Joey climbed down. "What are ya doing?" he asked. "Cooking," said Sam. "What some?" "Sure!" said Joey, who picked up a carrot. He looked at it and said, "How you doin?" He took a bite. "You guys aren't bad cooks," he said. "Let me try some," said Pippin, who reached from the carrot. Joey slapped him. "OW!!!" he yelled. "Why did you do that for?" "JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!!!" Rachel heard Joey yelling, and climbed off the rock. "What's going on?" "Miss," said Sam, "this friend of yours hit Pippin." 'What did Pippin do?" asked Rachel. "Pippin was going to take a little of his carrot." "Ooo," said Rachel. "That was not good. Joey doesn't share food." "Now you tell us!" said Pippin, who was holding his right hand, which had a large purple bruise now. The smoke from the fire rose up to the sky. Frodo came running from nowhere and put out the fire. "Dude, what's wrong?" asked Joey. A loud screech was then heard. "Wraiths!" yelled Frodo. Chandler, Monica, Ross, and Phoebe jumped off the rock. "What the hell are wraiths?" Chandler yelled over the screeching. Soon, five creatures, clad in black hoods with swords, approached them. "AHHH!!!!" yelled Monica, who was almost completely normal by now. The wraiths shrieked again, and pushing the others aside, went after Frodo. "Give us the ring!" said one of them in a raspy voice. "No!" yelled Phoebe. "You can't have it! It's my ring!" The wraiths were distracted enough to let Frodo get away. One of the wraiths turned around and stabbed Frodo. Out of the blue, Strider jumped in, wielding a sword and a torch. He lit the wraiths on fire, but they still kept coming after him. One of them pushed him to the ground, and raised it's sword to kill. "Hey buddy!" The wraith turned to see Rachel next to him, holding her bottle of perfume. "Lay off my man!" She sprayed the perfume directly into the wraith's hood. The wraith grasped it's head and shrieked. It ran off, and the other wraiths followed. Strider got up. "You saved me, Lady Rachel. How can I ever.." He was cut off by Sam's scream of "STRIDER!!!!" Strider sprinted to the hobbits. "Thanks a lot," muttered Rachel under her breath, "you stupid hobbit. Can't you give me a moment with him?" "C'mon Rach!" yelled Ross, as they followed Strider to where Frodo was laying. Frodo was panting and making strange noises. "He has been stabbed by a Morgul blade," said Strider. "It is beyond my skill to heal. He needs elvish medicine." Joey looked puzzled. "I know elves made toys, but I didn't know they were doctors, too!" He was elbowed by Rachel. Not much time past when a blonde elf on a white horse found them. "Glorfindel," said Strider. "He has been stabbed by a Morgul blade. He needs to get to Rivendell." "Of course he needs.." Glorfindel saw Phoebe. He walked over to her, and took her hand. "What is a fine maiden doing out here with four hobbits and a ranger?" "I dunno," said Phoebe. "But now I am with four hobbits, a ranger, and an elf." "That's what elves look like?" whispered Joey, stunned. "I thought they were short." "Here," said Ross, "hobbits are short and elves are tall. Get with it!" Glorfindel then kissed Phoebe's hand. "You look lovely." "Why thank you.." "Glorfindel," said Strider. "We need to get Frodo to Rivendell." "Fine," said Glorfindel. He pulled Frodo on the horse with him. He looked over at Phoebe. "Lady...um.." "Phoebe." "Lady Phoebe, will you accompany Frodo and I to Rivendell?" "I'd be delighted," replied Phoebe, who jumped on the back of his horse. They rode off. "Bye guys!" she called back to them. "See you in the elf place!" "Geez," said Rachel. "Guys fall for her as soon as she gets here." 


End file.
